Reflections of 2008, insights for 2009

Reflections of 2008

2008 started out with the conclusion of training for Holiday Lakes 50K. The first in a series of 3, ending with Mountain Masochist Trail Run, or MMTR, my "A" race, the most important. I was pulled out of that race with only 8 miles to go in 2007. I wanted to do that race, and thought I might as well do the entire series.
A week before the race, I started out on my last long run, being only 12 miles long. A half mile into the run, I tripped over a root, and fell hard, injuring my right proximal hamstring. At the time, I thought it would stretch out if I just walked a little. Who was I kidding? It hurt like hell just to stand on it. I had to call it quits for the day, hoping it would feel better with ice.
Throughout the day, it hurt more and more, even with ibuprofen. Sitting made it all worse. I had to sit on a pillow, and the only relief I could get was to stand up. Of course I didn't go straight to the doctor, why would I do that?
So I tried Holiday Lakes, and made it only to the half way point, knowing I was doing further damage to the muscle. So I pulled myself out of the race. I had a hard time with that, but knew it was the best thing for me.
After a visit to the doctor, I started physical therapy.
I had other 50K's in mind, the first one only 2 months away. I figured I could do that one, since there was no cut off time. I could take my time. But after several visits with the therapist, I was realizing that running this race (also the first in a series of 4 races), was next to impossible. I struggled with only 3 miles. A 50K is 31 miles. How was that going to be possible? My physical therapist and I decided that I just needed to quit running for a while, and let everything heal. And so started the journey to "Lack of Motivation."
It was frustrating to see all these people out running, when I couldn't. But an odd thing happened: when I was able to run again, I lost the desire. I tried to train for the second 50K race in the series, but had short long runs, not even 10 miles. Heat was another set back for me. In the last few weeks leading up to the race, I tried a long run in the afternoon, and succumbed to the heat. I realized again that this race was out of the question. So again, I lost motivation. Going through the summer was difficult. This is when I had a job teaching swim lessons in the late morning. I tried to do my runs in the early morning before my husband, Patrick would go to work, but I quickly got tired of running in the dark by myself all the time. Doing long runs on the weekend seemed to be difficult, although I'm not sure why.
It wasn't long before I really hit a deep rut in my training. It got to the point that even doing MMTR was depressing. I didn't want to train, I didn't want to run at night, I didn't want to run alone. I had so many reasons and excuses; it was pathetic. But it didn't stop there. It flowed into cross training and strength training. I lost desire to those as well, including cycling on my bike. I used the heat as an excuse for that.
I got so negative about the whole thing, that it was hard for me to connect with my normal running partners. I felt like I was complaining about everything when we were on the phone, or running together. It made it harder for me when they were getting faster, and I was getting slower, which added to my negativity. I think I was getting a little jealous, and I had a hard time dealing with that.
I know of two things that definitely added to my lack of motivation. 1) My birth control had changed, and I think that effected my mood. 2) Dealing with the anniversary of Mom's death was really hard this year. It's been 8 years, but I really struggled with it this summer. I'm not even sure why. It just made me really, really sad. The second 50K race I wanted to do was on her anniversary, and I wanted to run it in honor of her, but I wasn't able to, due to lack of training.
Even though I considered not doing MMTR, I never really decided to not run it. I just wasn't dedicated to my training. But as fate would have it, I wasn't able to run it anyway. At the end of August, after a 20 mile training run, my right foot started to hurt pretty bad. And of course, I didn't run off to the doctor. I tried to do a run a couple days later, and my foot hurt so bad , that I only got 1 quarter mile, and had to stop. I tried again another 2 days later, and only made it a half mile. So I finally went to the doctor. After x-rays and an MRI, I had a precursor to a stress fracture, meaning that it could break on any training run. If it did break, then the doctor said we would be talking about plates and screws to repair it, and at least a year off from running. OK, well I decided to stop running, for the second time this year due to a major injury. He told me MMTR was out. I couldn't run for a t least 6 weeks. I could cross train on the bike, and do the elliptical, but I just couldn't run.
So here I was again, getting all depressed. Now enters the drama with John, my step father. That's a whole other story, but not even worth my time. He's out of my life for good now, and believe it or not, that's a really good thing. But it was long and dramatic, and took a lot of energy from me.
I started a new job the first of December, and the hours were in the afternoon. I thought that was great, because I could run after the kids went to school. But I really wanted to work morning hours, so the kids wouldn't have to go to the after school program. They were just not used to that. On my second day on the job, they promoted me to the morning hours, to become a lead teacher in the two year old room. It was perfect. This area of my life has worked out well. Blessings from the Lord!!!
I also decided in December that I would just finish out the year with what ever worked. I released any goals I had, and set new sights on 2009. A new year, a new me.
So for 2009, here are my goals.
1) I will train effectively for my ultimate "A" race, Umstead in April 2010. That is 1 year, 4 months away, but I will take this whole time, 65 weeks, to train smart.
2) I will get faster. I'm not setting a pace goal. There's room for disappointment. I know what my average pace is now, and I just want it to be faster by the end of the year.
3) I want to run 2000 miles or more by 12/31/09. That was a 2008 goal, that obviously was not met. And so I will this year. I will run 4 50K races, and a 50 miler this year in preparation for Umstead. 2000 miles should be easy to reach.
4) My diet needs to reflect that of an ultra runner in training for a 100 mile race. I need to cut out the fountain sodas. This will be a hard one. I just love to drink them. I don't do the diet ones, either. I go for the sugar and caffeine. I need to eat healthy, and keep it that way.
5) I want to lose 10 pounds. Again, by no certain date except for the end of the year. I figure if I can cut out the sodas, that shouldn't be a problem, especially when the mileage really builds up.
6) Keep a good and positive attitude. No matter what happens this year, all the races I have planned will be treated like training runs. If I miss a race, I only miss a training run, to be made up at a later date. I need to lighten up a bit about following a training plan. It's there as a guideline, and not set in stone. It's OK to change it.
Just a couple phrases that are important to me:
"Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to achieve it."
"Every great achievement was once considered impossible."
I'm happy that I have my family, my friends, and my health. And on top of that, I get to run.
Happy Trails,
Cheri